Infidelity: A business, an illusion?

 “Who hasn’t been unfaithful, at least once in his or her life,

at least mentally, with his or her imagination?

Who hasn’t projected in the love of other,
and therefore in the dazzling desire of a new life?

Rosa Montero in “The male myth of an unfaithful woman”

Although socially reprimanded, infidelity is one of the issues that continue to trouble men and women, to such a degree that it has become a big business, taking advantage of social networks and the internet.

According to a note from Angeles Cruz Martinez, from La Jornada newspaper, one of the many websites that offer dates and, above all discretion to men and women, both married and single, has 12 million users worldwide and revenues of $60 million a year.

This “niche market” cannot be better, because according to statistics, 8 out of 10 men have been unfaithful; and among women infidelity occurs in 4 out of every 10 women who have a partner. However, this figure seems to be increasing consistently.

But even if it is men who mostly tend to be unfaithful, it appears that women manage the affairs better.

Rosa Montero, in the preface entitled: “The male myth of the unfaithful woman”, written for the book The date, and other stories of unfaithful women, refers to an Italian survey about the physical and psychological consequences after an affair: “… women are rejuvenated by infidelity; 47% worries more about their aspect after having a lover; 28% loses weight, 24% affirm that their skin becomes smoother and brighter, and 52% state that the affair has given them psychological balance. In addition, 26% say they don’t experience guilt… For men, the opposite happens: 32% of males experience guilt after having an affair; 32% say they have more wrinkles, and 24% note they have bigger bellies. It seems that the gentlemen who throw caution to the wind fair badly while women gain magnificence”.

What makes infidelity so disturbing?

Speaking of infidelity causes terror, and Montero anticipates that, among other reasons, the root lies on male fear: “of the ruthless female man-eater, insatiable being, and the liar who doesn’t depend on him as much as he feels he depends on her… I don’t know where this obsession came from; maybe from the emotional fragility of men and their inability to handle and name their feelings (this is one of the high prices men have to pay in macho societies)”.

Still, Montero says that maybe such fear enables the “sexist abuse that subjugates women, and the fear that they might take revenge on the aspect that hurts the most: the emotional intimacy they feel so helpless at”.

When interviewed for La Jornada newspaper, sex therapist Diego Barrios, explained that the number of unfaithful women keeps increasing, among other reasons, “because their partners don’t listen to them. Men forget the affectionate and the erotic aspects when it comes to sex encounters, and this leads them to seek another person… Besides, there’s a huge difference between what happened years ago, when women longed to fall in love and experience affectionate relationships, and now they are more interested in a kind of arrangement that does not represent commitment”.

All this lacking, weaknesses, desires, fears, have been harnessed into a business that surrounds such a complex and deep issue. Perhaps, as Rosa Montero says, “… beyond male macho prejudices, when it comes to men and women, many things are at stage when infidelity occurs: Above all, I think, the desire or the dream of being someone else”.

And there are few literary references that offer the female point of view on infidelity… What do you think?

What would it take for you to be unfaithful?

What are you looking for in life?

Would you pay the price?

Leave your comments here, or send them to:  diana.perez@demac.org.mx

References:

http://teremarin.lacoctelera.net/post/2011/01/10/el-mito-masculino-la-mujer-infiel

http://www.jornada.unam.mx/2012/01/21/sociedad/037n1soc